HEY! IM SOBER ON MY BIRTHDAY!!
HEY HEY, IM SOBER ON MY BIRTHDAY!!
Tomorrow, 26th of February 2022, I will be 2 years clean from using needles, methamphetamine and heroin. On my 48th birthday.
What a trip!
By no means has getting and staying sober been easy, but it has given me my conscious awareness and my life back, and for this i am eternally grateful.
When I got sober, I quickly discovered that the depression that I have had for years and years did not go away, and the false relief I got from using drugs was a mask for all the trauma I had not faced or dealt with.
I still today experience a rollercoaster of emotions everyday, sometimes wondering if the chaos within will ever find peace, because, let me tell you, the unmasking of my trauma has been and continues to be the most confronting and challenging experience of my life. But I am working through all of this now clean, and with a clear conscience. I am able to step forward into my sobriety and my healing being 100% present, aware, willing and ready to work my way to become the best version of myself yet.
Currently the level of dysregulation in my mind and body is still hard to handle. I feel exhausted a lot of the time, I am hyper-aware of my surroundings and what is happening around me at all times, and at times I feel like I can just fly off the handle at something. But as I look at these situations, I stop my worry, as I can see all of this as minor, minor in comparison to how I used to live in a bubble of blurred out, insecure and paranoid psychosis. In comparison, this is easy to handle as I walk my new path strong and sober.
Looking back, I can see that all along I have been using drugs to self-medicate some pretty unusual experiences which devastated my existence and traumatized my mental growth and spiritual evolvement. I didn’t feel safe in my body, or anywhere else for that matter. I always looked behind me to see if there was danger following me. If I was in a room, I could tell you within a few minutes where the exits were. Loud noises made me jump. Raised voices or someone acting violent made me freeze. For the most part of my life, if you were to ask me how I felt underneath all the drug abuse, my answer would be: Scared, numb and uncomfortable.
But now, 2 years later, as I walk into my new life, where I feel everything in my body, mind and spirit like never before, I embrace the aches and pains, the tickles and tenderness, the tears and the laughter, all of it. I am here and I am alive and every day I am getting stronger and stronger.
I now understand that my trauma does not mean I am broken, nor does it define who I am. For me, it means I am a survivor. It means I need to remember to take a breath when things are triggered and most definitely learn some better coping skills. Today, I feel better than I have in my whole life. Trauma recovery takes time, but it’s absolutely worth it for my sustained recovery in my new life and my happier existence.
For my birthday i wish us to all work on our own inner peace. Meditate. Be of service to yourself today, and forever more. The greater we can ‘tidy up our own minds,’ the more peace we will contribute to the world.
Here’s to being sober!!!
Thank you for your support
Love and light…
Happier days ahead