STUMBLING!!

STUMBLING!

So we all stumble and fall yeah?

Well that’s where I am at. But I feel like I keep on stumbling, keep on falling.

I keep on trying to be something that I’m just quite not yet.

I live in, and practice my healing tools daily, with hope.

It’s a mystery to me how life turns and spins, and throw its curve balls regardless, while we are on our own journey of emotional persistence and spiritual evolution, and we meant to “go with the flow”, and soldier on.

Trust me, I am definitely one to barrack for the quote “go with the flow”, but it is hard when you stumble and fall, again and again.

That flow, that journey, it feels like it gets diverted, singed, wounded, depleted, defeated. That flow just won’t go.

I know that stumbling and falling is part of our journey of life, to experience this is to help us become our best selves. But sometimes I wish the good times just kept on flowing, that constant stream of bliss would keep on moving, more than the stumble and falling.

In my early recovery from 30 years of drug abuse, I find that my being is relearning this thing called life. Yes, I am working the flow well when it is around, but with the stumbling and falling? Well this overpowers everything around me. I end up feeling like a failure in my recovery, as still, I do not know how to stop falling into my trap of triggers.

These triggers are things that only I have the power to change. Only I can un-learn my reaction to change these fiery triggers. Its not up to anyone else to change around me, but me. I get it. But as I find myself stumbling and falling triggered again and again, I feel unable to move forward into my new existence, one where I will and shall with wild and passionate determination learn to “go with the flow”, no matter what curve ball is thrown at me.

So today I live cautiously within. Ready to catch myself before I step on the tragic train again and before another trigger sets off the beast within.

It is not an easy road in my recovery, So many years lost in the abyss of trauma and drugs. I am a virgin as i travel this new path. But i have made a commitment to rise, and this i will do!

Being given this opportunity to live again, I will honor this slow process and practice every day to heal within and to become at ease, and flow with the dream of life.

Never give up!

Love and light!

#dontstopbelieving #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #depressionawareness #depressionhelp #depressionsupport #suicidalawareness #suicideprevention #selfcare #flow

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